Feeling old at 22 Heyo. How are ya. It's my first "article". I don't even know if I can call these things articles cause well, I've adopted the habits of writing drunk and writing horribly. Really what this whole thing is just me writing stuff that pertains to nothing that means nothing. Interested in reading more? I'm sure you are!!! Don't expect anything funny or entertaining or...big words that mean funnier stuff cause you wont get it here. This is just simply a waste of time. Yours and mine. If your a loyal reader of mine (meaning, you've glanced and clicked at anything in my profile in the last 4 years), you'd remember I did movie reviews awhile back. Remember how crappy they were? Well I promise you I've done no growing up or maturing since then so you can expect the same 3rd grade humor (some say 2nd!) and attentioon to detale. Allready growning? Me too. Got a habit of correcting people of their mistakes? Please leave now, i dont need the insults. Remember reading the bigger words above in red.. that hinted at what was going to be talked about? Really? Shit. Guess i gotta talk about it then.
It's almost October. It's fall. It's about time that the Redskins take out a very sharp knive and stab me in the heart. Its time teachers (all at once) flood tests on us. It's almost time for my birthday. Fuck. October allready? This is the first year I'm saying that. Last year it was "fuck YA, OCT. 15, TILL THE SWEAT DROPS OFF MY BALLS!!". Well I dont know if i said that...or if the song even came out, but, i was siced for my 21st. It meant drinking, It meant drinking at anytime, anywhere, anyhow. Such a formula meant horrific results for my wallet (and my stomach, which can be seen from space). 21 was good. 20 was EH. 19 was , for me, "crap im in college and i'd only made friends in my dorm, who do i celebrate with". 17 and 18 I dont remember, either through loss of brain cells or ... well I guess thats the only reason. thanks beer. 16-15 I have to thank my mom. My mom took me and a handful of friends to Hooters. Yes, boobs R Us. When your 15 and 16, Hooters is the best place ever. ever. I said it twice to add to the affect of young people loving but not seeing boobies. It was awsome. The chicken wings actually tasted like maccorni and cheese to me, but that could be just me. Oh yea, they also had hairs on them, buts thats something else.... but did I mention the boobies? Sweetness. I got to actually dance with hooters girls 2 years in a row (both years being embarassed while doing so, but still.... boobies!!). Hey, remember when you read that headline in red... like 2 hours ago ... before you started reading this *big word* waste of time? Right! Let's get to it!
Mother fucker. I'm old. I'm getting older. Now as I stand I'm 21. By the time I sneeze next I'll be 22. Oct. 15. ( yes go ahead, start planning to get me something fucker, please send money, I'm poor and I need food), I'm gonna be 22. To most of you 22 aint shit. Cause you aint 22. You aint close to being 22. Let me tell you, 22 sucks. Alot. It's 22. Know what that means? Nothing. Know what 23 is? Nothing. Know what means the most later on? It's either 40 or 50. By then I hope I'm dead or have 2 sons that do me proud. ANYWAY, I'm 22 soon, the decline of everything great.
Most people "my age" focus on their future. Almost outta college, gotta make something of theirselves, just wondering about their future. Me, it's a different story. I'm almost 22. Which by the way my body reacts, it means its my mid-life crisis. I'm half way there. 'There' meaning the day I start play video games and sleeping 24/7 (any cracks about how I do that now results in me saying 'shut up' and ignoring you). Turning 22 has made me look ay myself in a new light .... mainly because I just put in a new lamp in my room. ....... Aw god I'm real sorry about that last one, it was truly awful. You'd think I'd just backspace that shit but really, well i'm lazy and it fills space. That and i'm lazy. Anyway, I was talking about what now... ah yes... being 27 and handsome....
Being almost 22 and incredibly good looking got me thinking over the summer: well it was more of my work that got me thinking. Over the summer I did hard labor (yes, once in awhile i get off my ass) and worked parts of my body that hasent been worked in since... well since the skins won the super bowl. Early 90s reference for you that don't remember Art Monk. Anywho, my body didn't respond well to physical activity. My back was saying "no dice", my triceps were like "what are you nuts?", any my knees were speaking what I assume was spanish. This is what I belive what my knees were saying during one my trips while carrying drywall:left knee: yo, whats up man?
right knee: what? oh hey, how are ya
left: not much man. got a pain in my right side. you?
right: really? you too? i got one in my left. kinda hurts.
left: ya? word? i've been thinking about giving out for like the last 30 minutes.
right: well shit on my grave, i've been thinking the same since we stopped at subway.
left: that was a fucking good sandwich.
right: i know. dont sidetrack me. im tired.
left: turkey, ham and bacon with the southwest and buffalo, unbeatable.
right: shut up shut up. i know. Dude, im tired. What say you.
left: me too man. what do you think? just give up here and now?
right: fuck ya man, sounds good.Right then and there my knees gave out and I fell to the ground with a 12 foot piece of drywall falling on me. The whole point to the whole last tyrad is that some of my parts are aching. They are getting old. I don't know how I've worn them out but I have. My knees: definitly not good, My back: oh ya, sleeping on a mattress on the floor for the last 3 years helps, My neck: well we'll just say turing it 45 degrees is way out of the question.
My body is a mess. My brain, well ... I've killed it enough to not be able to complain about in. I'm almost 22. I feel like I'm 37. It's not just physical. I can't go to my once cherised Warped Tour anymore. I dont like any of these 'new bands' and the whole crowd is 15-17 yrs old. I mean shit, when I went there were awsome punk bands there, not just crappy punk-pop bands who has 1 hit single. BAH. MTV, dont get me started. Even back in the day when they sometime showed videos Real World was good. And since when did VH1 stop playing crappy videos and start playing crappy tv shows? Sportscenter... new set, new anchors? Fresh Prince... TV Land? All my favorite 90s bands have greatest hits CDs out now? Possible Clerks 2? Hollywood is allready making a Batman that redo's the whole history ... so forget Keaton and Nicholson.
I'm almost 22. You're gonna turn 22 soon. We're old. Getting older. Nothing to look forward to except to get crappy jobs, pay taxes, marry twice, and win the lottery twice and make mediocore movies. Wait, thats my future, make up your own.